Have you ever had a dating situation that’s plain confusing from start to finish?

Picture this: you match with someone you find attractive on Hinge. The conversation is going well enough, but then things start to feel a bit…off.

First, he asks for your Snapchat (cue the red flag). Despite this, you’re willing to give it a shot because, hey, maybe he has potential.

Then he suggests a first date at his place, which already feels a little too casual, but you go with it—he promises to make dinner and watch a baseball game together.

Here’s where it gets worse: just before the date, at the very last minute, he cancels saying he forgot about a friend’s “thing” he has to attend. You’re left feeling like he chickened out or didn’t care enough to keep his plans. You’re not too eager to respond, so you throw a quick “like” on his message and call it a day.

Days pass, and he completely ghosts. Finally, after waiting a week without a word, you unmatch him on the app. Good riddance.

Yet, the next morning, like clockwork, he texts you again with a casual “Hey, how you doin’?”

Now you’re stuck wondering, should I respond?

A small part of you wants to give him another shot; the bigger part doesn’t want to waste time on someone who seems flaky.

Sound familiar? Let’s break it down, because this situation has some serious lessons hidden in all the drama.

Is the Snapchat red flag a sign to proceed with caution?

Let’s start with the Snapchat request because that’s usually the first thing that makes most of us pause these days.

Asking for Snapchat instead of keeping the conversation going on the dating app or moving to, you know, an actual phone number, is typically a red flag. Why? Well, it’s often associated with guys trying to keep things casual, anonymous, or not-so-serious.

Lots of guys use Snapchat as a way to flirt without leaving a trail, or worse, to send pictures they don’t want to be tied to their phone numbers. You know the kind of pictures I mean 😏

But you didn’t shut things down just because of that, and I totally get it.

Sometimes the chemistry feels good enough to give someone the benefit of the doubt, especially if the conversation is going well. Or you’re actually attracted to him. A decent conversation with someone you find attractive isn’t to be taken for granted.

You thought, “Maybe he’s cool, maybe he’s worth giving a shot.” Totally fair! But trust your gut because that initial discomfort usually means something deeper.

Is the “casual first date” at his house a recipe for…red flags?

Then comes the next part: he suggests you meet at his house for a “casual first date.”

I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s already suspect.

A first date at someone’s place can be tricky, especially when it’s the first time you’re meeting in person. It screams, “I want to keep this low effort,” and might be an indicator he’s not invested in making a genuine connection.

He’s suggesting comfort on his turf, which could mean a variety of things: maybe he’s trying to Netflix and chill, or maybe he’s just lazy when it comes to planning. Maybe he’s only trying to get in your pants for a good time.

Neither of these screams relationship potential.

Unless you are only looking for a hook-up, don’t give him a reason to think casual is fine.

And let’s talk about the baseball game… It’s not exactly the most romantic or thoughtful first-date activity, right?

Sure, if you’re both huge fans of the game, but otherwise, it feels like a bare minimum effort date plan that’s more about him than you. It’s a little something to keep in mind for the future when guys make suggestions that seem more convenient than thoughtful.

Does the last-minute cancel spell classic cop-out?

Now, let’s get to the real tea: his 8 AM cancellation. This one is rough because it feels so last minute and insincere, right?

There you were, both bantering some more at 10 PM last night in anticipation when he texts the annulment at freaking 8 AM.

I’ve had this happen before, and it’s hard not to roll your eyes when you get a sudden “Oh, I forgot I have a thing” text. Really? You forgot?

Unless his friend’s “thing” was an emergency, that reads as a major excuse to me.

In reality, he probably freaked out, maybe realized he wasn’t ready for the date, or didn’t want to go through with it for whatever reason.

Instead of being straightforward and saying, “Hey, I’m not sure I’m feeling this,” he goes for the nonchalant cancel and follows up with the vague “Let’s reschedule.”

It’s classic “non-committal guy” behavior where he leaves the door slightly open but isn’t really putting in any effort to make new plans.

Don’t you hate the ghosting act?

You do the right thing—give a non-committal response by liking his message—but then… radio silence for a week.

The ghosting is real.

It’s like he went from having a little interest to just vanishing off the face of the earth. No texts, no follow-up, nothing.

Ghosting is infuriating because it leaves you hanging, wondering if you did something wrong or if he just lost interest. Heck, is he alive? Did something happen? Are the cops going to knock on your door because you’re the last contact this missing person had?

But here’s the truth: his silence is his answer.

If a guy is interested, he will show you. He won’t leave you in the dark for a week with zero communication.

I know it sucks, but it’s good you didn’t chase after him. Your instincts were telling you to pull back, and that’s the right call.

A guy who wants to get to know you will make time to follow up, even if he’s busy. His “busyness” is no more validated than yours.

What about the “Hey, how you doin?” comeback text after you unmatch?

This is where things get real weird. You unmatch him after that week of ghosting (props to you!), and then he hits you up with that casual “Hey, how you doin’?”

It’s as though he could feel you were done with him and decided to swoop back in to see if the door was still open.

This is textbook douche behavior. He’s probably juggling a few matches, and when one of his other options fell through or he got bored, he thought, “Oh hey, I wonder if she’s still interested.”

It’s almost like he’s throwing you a bone, seeing if you’ll bite, but with no real intention of stepping up his game or proving that he’s worth your time.

Sure, he might be more communicative now, maybe no more ghosting for a while or, at least, until you go on an actual date. But why should you be his fallback?

He’s not the only one with options. Why must you make time and put in effort for someone who’s preoccupied only with himself?

What should you do now?

So now you’re left wondering: Do you respond, or do you cut him off completely?

Let’s break it down:

1. Does he deserve a second chance?

Honestly, from what you’ve shared, it doesn’t sound like he’s put in enough effort to earn one.

He bailed on your first date last minute, ghosted you for a week, and only reappeared after you made it clear you weren’t waiting around. That’s not exactly the behavior of someone genuinely interested in building something meaningful.

If you’re attracted to him and want something casual, then he’s not a terrible option. At least he figured out contacting you was necessary as soon as you unmatched.

However, if you’re hoping for something deeper and stronger like a relationship, I’d be hesitant.

Again, the benefit of the doubt since, yes, you’re both strangers to each other. But if strangers want to become something more, they both need to put in the effort.

2. Is this the kind of guy you want to date?

You said it yourself, you’re looking for something real, not a fuckboy situation. (Even if you’re open to casual leading into real).

This guy’s actions scream “half-hearted” at best and “disrespectful” at worst. If you’re not feeling like you’re his priority now, it’s unlikely that’ll change.

Things do come up unexpectedly and, even if he did chicken out or wasn’t feeling it last minute, there’s no reason he couldn’t have communicated that to you instead of dropping off from the face of the earth.

There’s something called courtesy, it’s a nice thing to exhibit.

3. Do you want to put yourself through the hassle?

Responding to his text would likely open the door for more of the same wishy-washy behavior.

He might take you on a date, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the same lack of commitment shows up again later. It’s your risk to take.

Just keep in mind that if you end up taking it, don’t build any expectations (and, no, don’t just tell yourself that, really mean it).

The takeaway of all this is to trust your instincts

At the end of the day, the fact that you’re feeling unsure about responding tells me everything I need to know.

Your gut is telling you this guy isn’t it, and you should trust that instinct.

Dating can be frustrating because sometimes we see potential in people who end up letting us down, but that doesn’t mean you should lower your standards or settle for someone who doesn’t show up for you in the way you deserve.

And here’s the thing: If a guy is truly interested, he’ll make it clear.

He won’t ghost, he won’t flake, and he won’t send half-assed texts weeks after blowing you off.

He’ll show up and put in the effort because he wants to get to know you and build something real.

So my advice? Let this one go.

There are plenty of other guys out there who won’t play these games, and you’re better off saving your energy for someone who will treat you with the respect and effort you deserve.

The right guy is the one who won’t make you question whether you should text him back.