When Mr. “I Can’t Wait to See You” repeatedly fails to show up on your dates, what do you do?

Anyone who’s been in the online dating world, has likely encountered him. You know, that guy who talks a big game over text, sending flirty messages that make your screen feel like it’s sizzling.

He’s eager to chat all day and night, and his texts suggest he’s practically counting down the seconds until he can see you.

But the moment you try to make real plans? Silence. Or worse, he cancels last-minute, blaming “work stuff” or some vague emergency.

And yet, there he is, blowing up your phone an hour, a day, or a week later with those same flirty texts.

Sound familiar? These are the new-ish breed of online dating flirts who ghost in real life.

Let’s talk about why this happens, how to handle it, and what to do when you’re caught between “Mr. Can’t Wait to Meet You” and “Mr. Never Actually Shows Up.”

Why he’s all talk when texting you online

So, why do some guys seem so into it online but totally vanish in person?

The psychology behind his flirting but fleeing behavior behavior can be complex. Yet, here are four reasonable explanations:

1. He’s afraid of the real thing

Yeah, you’re not wrong in suspecting fear as the culprit. This behavior is sometimes as easily summarized in one word: fear.

Some people thrive in the fantasy world that texting and sexting create. It’s a controlled, low-risk environment where they can be their most confident, sexy, and charming selves.

The moment it comes to meeting face-to-face, though, all of that control and confidence vanishes. Fear of rejection, insecurity, or even just general anxiety kicks in. It’s no longer fun for them; it’s all about being scared to break the illusion they’ve created through their online persona.

2. He likes the ego boost

For some people, online flirting is about validation more than genuine interest. It feels good to know that someone out there finds them attractive and is excited to talk to them.

But when it comes to making an effort in real life, they’re not willing to put in the work because they’re more interested in feeling wanted than actually connecting.

It’s him, not you; avoid wasting time on such people because their mission is to satisfy their own desires. Any effort you expend on your end will lead to naught.

3. He’s just not ready for a real relationship

Maybe he’s recently out of a breakup, he’s juggling multiple dating apps, or he’s just not in a place where he’s ready to commit to anything real.

Whatever the case, he might think he wants something serious when he’s texting you at 1 a.m., but his actions tell a different story. He probably craves some connection, don’t read much into it.

4. The thrill of the chase… and only the chase

Some guys genuinely love the excitement of flirting and making plans, but they’re not actually interested in following through.

The chase, for them, is more thrilling than the “catch.”

Once it’s time to meet, they lose interest or move on to the next person who’s still a potential instead of an actual.

Most are at a loss when they do “catch” you—it’s rather sad.

5. The convenience factor

For some, flirting and sexting is a way to have the thrill of romantic interaction without actually putting in the effort.

It’s fun, it’s convenient, and it doesn’t come with the commitment of spending actual time and energy on a date.

How to spot if he’s all text and no action

If you’re wondering whether your online flirt is actually serious about meeting up or just stringing you along, look out for these signs:

He only wants to talk at night

It’s one thing if he’s busy during the day and can only chat in the evening. But if he’s always ghosting during the day and only comes alive after dark? That’s a red flag.

This can mean he’s more interested in the casual, no-strings-attached vibe of late-night texting than actually putting in time for a real connection.

He’s always flirty, rarely genuine

If your conversations are almost always about physical attraction, what you’re wearing, or other ahem steamy topics, but he’s never actually interested in learning about your day or what’s going on in your life, he’s probably in it for the online thrill, not the in-person connection.

He’s attention is solely for the flirting instead of from a genuine desire to get to know you.

He’s constantly “busy” or cancels plans last minute

Life happens, sure. But if you’ve tried to meet up multiple times and he always has an excuse, he’s showing you that he’s just not that invested in making it happen.

The right person will find a way to be there, not a reason to bail.

Related:
He canceled our date, ghosted me, then texted me after I unmatched

He never tries to reschedule

When someone is genuinely interested but has to cancel, they’ll be proactive about finding a time that works.

If he cancels but never says, “Can we do this time instead?” it’s a sign he’s not actually interested in following through.

He’s “always down” for a date, but can’t pick one

You’ll know this one: “When are we finally hanging out?” he texts, and you get your hopes up, thinking this might actually happen.

But when you suggest a day, he dances around it. This back-and-forth can go on for weeks if you let it—don’t.

What to do when you’re tired of the flirting but no follow-through

Now that you know the signs, it’s time to decide what to do about it.

Here are some approaches that will help you keep your sanity and make sure you’re investing your energy in someone who actually wants to spend time with you.

1. Call it out (in a playful way)

Sometimes, being direct (but fun) about it can help. You don’t need to come off as accusatory, but something like, “So, when are you actually going to take me on this mythical date you keep promising?” can nudge him to see if he’s serious.

If he’s into it, he’ll respond with a plan. If he keeps making excuses, well, that’s your answer.

2. Set a limit for yourself

If he’s canceled on you more than twice, ask yourself if it’s worth going in for round three.

Everyone deserves a little grace, but if he can’t follow through after multiple attempts, it might be time to save your energy for someone who’s willing to put in real effort.

Set a boundary and stick to it—if he’s not serious after X number of attempts, you’re moving on. Being resolute on your decisions is key.

3. Pull back on the flirty texting

When someone gives you a lot of texting energy but no in-person effort, it’s easy to get caught up in their constant messages.

However, if you’re feeling frustrated by the lack of action, try reducing the time and energy you spend texting.

If he starts noticing that you’re not as available online, he might get the hint that you’re looking for something more real and need him to step up. Or step down—either way, it’s to your advantage.

More on dating:
6 memorable ways guys have tried flirting with me on dating apps

4. Mirror his effort

Relationships are all about balance. If he’s only giving you late-night flirty energy, give him the same in return.

Don’t be available 24/7, don’t go out of your way to message him first, and don’t be overly eager to reschedule if he cancels.

This way, you’re matching his vibe, and if he starts to realize he’s losing your attention, it might be the wake-up call he needs.

But, and this is important so listen up, don’t fall prey into a cyclical behavior. Sometimes, sure he’ll step back into your life just so he doesn’t entirely lose your attention. This doesn’t mean he understood his problematic behavior. If you notice the same cycle repeating, where he gets your attention then goes back into the non-commital flirting, he’s merely stringing you along.

5. Keep your options open

There’s no need to put all your eggs in one basket with someone who isn’t putting in the effort. Continue chatting with other people, exploring other matches, and keeping an open mind.

Dating should be fun and fulfilling—not a waiting game with someone who’s all talk, no action.

6. Decide what you really want out of this

Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in wanting someone to follow through that we don’t stop to ask if we even like them beyond their texts.

If he’s flirty and fun but you’re constantly frustrated by his lack of effort, ask yourself: Are you actually interested in him, or just the attention?

Taking a step back to think about what you want might help you let go and move on if this dynamic isn’t working for you.

The big takeaway

Don’t settle for a virtual relationship when you want the real thing.

Ultimately, dating is about real connection. While it’s fun to have someone blow up your phone with compliments and flirty texts, remember that you deserve more than words on a screen.

You deserve someone who’s willing to show up, make plans, and follow through on them.

If he’s all talk and no action, don’t waste your time hoping he’ll change. There are plenty of people out there who will gladly make time for you in real life.

Whether you’re tired of his virtual games or just need a reminder that you’re worth more than a half-hearted text, don’t be afraid to prioritize yourself and your happiness. ]

Be open to someone who’s as serious about dating as you are, and remember, actions speak louder than words—or texts.