Let’s talk about dating someone who has a close friend of the opposite sex, especially when that friend is a big part of their life.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a guy who has a girl best friend, you’ve probably had all the feelings about it. From jealousy to insecurity, and maybe even a pinch of curiosity, it can feel like a complicated mess.

Sometimes, it’s not even the girl herself that’s the problem; it’s just that the situation can make us feel uncomfortable or anxious.

So, let’s get real about what it’s like to deal with this, why it’s so common to feel uneasy, and, most importantly, how to handle it in a way that keeps you and your relationship healthy and happy.

Whether you’re reading this with a smile because you totally get it, or you’re in the middle of dealing with your boyfriend’s “bestie,” this is for you.

Why does his girl best friend bother you?

Before we get into the practical advice, understand it’s totally normal if his girl best friend bothers you.

Having a girl best friend can hit a nerve. When it comes to love, we all want to feel special, and it can feel threatening if there’s another girl in the picture who knows your boyfriend well.

Here are some common reasons why it might bother you:

1. Fear of the unknown

Why is she in his life to begin with? You may not know their history or inside jokes.

It’s easy for your imagination to run wild when there’s mystery around her role.

You might wonder: Did they ever have feelings for each other? Could he be secretly attracted to her?

2. Feeling like you’re competing for attention

If your boyfriend spends a lot of time with his girl best friend, it can make you feel like you’re sharing him.

Maybe he texts her about his day, tells her things he hasn’t told you yet, or goes to her for advice.

Naturally, it feels like you’re competing for emotional intimacy.

3. Social media and the comparison game

The tricky social media dynamic can make it worse. Seeing tagged photos, likes, and comments from her on all his posts can heighten feelings of jealousy.

And it’s not that you don’t trust him—it’s that you wonder what she’s thinking or feeling, too. After all, there are two people in that relationship too.

4. Worrying about being replaced

There’s an underlying fear in many of us that one day, someone else will take our place.

Seeing another girl being close to your boyfriend might trigger that fear, even if you know deep down it’s not logical. But feelings rarely listen to logic!

This worry is valid and can take over your thoughts if her presence happens to be increasingly active in your lives.

5. Past experiences affecting current feelings

If you’ve been hurt or betrayed in the past, seeing your boyfriend’s close friendship with another woman can bring up old wounds.

It’s not an issue of trust; it’s just that your heart has been through stuff before, and this feels a bit close for comfort.

It’s absolutely okay to feel this way

Feeling a little insecure, jealous, or even uncomfortable about your boyfriend’s girl best friend is totally normal. It’s a part of dating and being human.

A lot of us have been there, and honestly, the last thing you should do is beat yourself up about it. Remember, there’s no shame in your feelings.

What matters is how you handle them.

So, how do you deal with it?

Here are some ideas to help you navigate the situation in a way that’s mature, respectful, and ultimately keeps your relationship strong.

1. Get to know the girl best friend

This is the first (and perhaps hardest) step, but it’s a big one. Sometimes, we dislike someone because we don’t know them.

The mystery around his friendship with her can make things feel scarier than they are.

Ask your boyfriend to arrange a casual hangout with her. Maybe grab coffee or meet up in a group setting where the vibes are light.

You don’t have to become besties, but getting to know her might ease some of those fears and help you see her as a person rather than as “the other girl.”

When you actually spend time with her, you might even find that you don’t mind her as much as you thought. She might be cool, funny, and genuinely a good friend.

What’s important here is that you don’t go in thinking she’s the enemy because this kind of thought dooms any potential insight.

2. Communicate honestly with your boyfriend

Honesty is everything in relationships. If you build feelings on a rocky surface devoid of honesty, you’re in danger.

Let your boyfriend know how you feel, but remember, it’s all in the delivery. Instead of saying, “I don’t like your best friend,” try something more honest and open like “I feel a little insecure about how close you are with [her name]. It’s not about me not trusting you; I just feel a bit uneasy.”

Framing it in terms of your feelings rather than blaming him or her will make him more likely to understand and not get defensive.

He might even have ideas for how to make you feel more secure because, high chances are, he doesn’t even know you’re feeling this way. Communication can solve a lot of issues.

3. Reflect on what makes you feel insecure

When triggered by jealousy, take time to pause and check in with your self. Are there certain behaviors that make you uncomfortable?

Is it when he cancels plans with you to hang out with her, or when he shares intimate stories with her?

Identifying these triggers can help you address them directly and figure out whether it’s about her, or if it’s something that touches on your personal insecurities.

You need to understand what exactly bothers you to better communicate with him specific boundaries or behaviors rather than saying “I don’t want you to be close to her.”

4. Set boundaries, not ultimatums

Boundaries around opposite-gender friendships in relationships are normal as long as they’re fair and respectful.

Setting boundaries is about finding compromises that make both of you feel comfortable, not telling him who he can and can’t be friends with.

For example, if you’re uncomfortable with them texting late at night, let him know. Or if you feel left out, maybe ask if he’d be okay with inviting you along sometimes.

It’s about setting healthy limits without trying to control his friendship.

5. Trust yourself—and trust him

Trust is the foundation of any good relationship. It might sound cliché, but if you trust your boyfriend, his friendship with her shouldn’t be a threat.

Remind yourself of why you’re with him in the first place: because he’s trustworthy, caring, and loyal.

Trust isn’t about controlling someone’s every move; it’s about knowing that no matter what, they’ll prioritize you.

If your boyfriend reassures you and consistently shows that he’s committed to you, try to lean into that trust. Believe that he’s with you for a reason, and if he’s honest and open, there’s a good chance this friendship with her is purely platonic. (Of course, his handling of the situation and willing participation in the discussion is just as important.)

6. Stop comparing yourself to her

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to his best friend. Maybe she’s known him for longer, or they have inside jokes, or she has some quality that makes you feel inadequate.

But remember, he chose you. If he wanted to be with her, he’d be with her. You’re in a relationship with him because he sees you as someone special.

Instead of focusing on her, shift that energy toward building your relationship. Work on your connection, create new memories, and invest in what you have together.

7. Don’t let jealousy create unnecessary drama

When jealousy creeps in, little things turn into big problems.

Upon feeling jealousy rising, ask yourself if it’s worth making a scene over. Is it really about her, or is it about something deeper within you?

If you can, take a step back, take a deep breath, and ask yourself if there’s a way to respond calmly.

Relationships take patience and maturity, and sometimes, dealing with a girl best friend situation is part of that. Small, fleeting feelings of insecurity should not get the best of you.

I encourage you talk it out (with him and your besties, or anyone really other than your mental self), process it, and don’t let it become a recurring fight if it doesn’t need to be.

When it’s okay to be concerned

Girl best friends are often harmless and can even be a great addition to your social circle. However, there are some red flags to watch for:

1. If he’s never introduced you to her or acts cagey about his friendship, that could be a concern. Friends should be able to meet and mix, especially if they’re a big part of his life. Keeping you separate from her warrants investigation.
2. If he’s crossed the line with friends in past relationships or isn’t respectful of relationship boundaries, it’s fair to be a bit more cautious. History of boundary issues spells out trouble from the get-go, don’t discount it.
3. If she makes negative comments about your relationship or acts flirty with him, it’s worth having an open conversation with him about it. A girl best friend should not disrespect your relationship in any way.
4. If you’re genuinely (and consistently) uncomfortable, even after talking to him, listen to that feeling. Relationships shouldn’t cause constant stress, and if this dynamic is causing you more harm than good, it’s okay to prioritize your own peace.

It’s a wrap

Dealing with your boyfriend’s girl best friend isn’t always easy, but it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker either.

At least, not when you’re (both) open, honest, and communicative about your feelings. Remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to work through them together.

Trust, self-reflection—when there are too many doubts prickling your consciousness, it’s a sign you need to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. Sometimes it’s not the girl best friend that’s the problem but underlying issues between you and him.

Either way, know you’re in the right to be concerned. It’s okay to be jealous as long as you communicate that jealousy instead of letting it eat you away.